I Love You
14 March 2020

She said YES! (again)

By Alexa

Almost 22 Years Married

Our ‘for better and worst’ wasn’t that hard, though we’ve had quite some setbacks over the years. We’ve almost been bankrupt twice and once we’ve almost had to sell out house. And though that’s all mundane goods, it’s always nice to have some financial stability. Luckily has been the case for the last 4 years now.

But ‘in sickness and health’ we’ve had a lot to endure. I’m not going into many details here, but  of those 22 years we’ve had about 3 to years of relatively health

Renewing our Vows

I’ve been thinking about renewing our vows for quite a while now – even before I became aware of the ‘real me’. It just never came to it and I thought to wait until we’d be 24 years married and renew our vows on our 25th anniversary, but even that was just a though. After all, why renew your vows when the two of you still love one an other, other than to have a reason to throw a party 🎉

It was after my revelation and ‘coming out’ (I still hate that term because I didn’t hide being transgender – or did I subconsciously?) that the idea of renewing our vows became serious. After all I’m becoming a ‘new person’ making some significant changes to our marriage. I just don’t mean  just physically, but also mentally. I am changing a lot, but also for my wife a lot will change. For instance, she’s totally not a lesbian and she will get a lesbian relation one day. It’s a good thing that she fell for me as person and that my ‘good looks’ (I still don’t see that) were a bonus.

The Wedding Dress

The thought of renewing our vows became serious early last month when I saw wedding dresses for sale in all the used good stores in our city. At first I thought that is was because of Valentine’s day, but these dresses were kept on display after February 14th. While they weren’t overly expensive I  didn’t want to get too much ahead of things.

It was two days ago that I was in one of the biggest used goods store again and they were doing their weekly ‘clean out’, offering 50% discount on all ‘pink labeled’ price tags. And there was one dress that I really loved…

I asked for one of the employees to get that dress from the mannequin so I could try it on. The dress was a size 40 which might fit depending on how it fits around my chest. Sadly it didn’t  – the zipper still had to go an other 10cm when my chest said no 😢

There was a 2nd dress I liked (not loved!) and I walked over to pick that one up when I saw my dress on the mannequin where the one I was wearing was before. I totally fell in love with it! It was labeled as size M. I thought it looked bigger and  had to try her on.

She was a perfect fit and I looked stunning in her!

Two of the employees and a couple of customers all had a ‘WOW!’ moment when they saw me standing in that beautiful dress. I also sent a photo of me wearing her to my mother and 2 cousins and all 3 said that the dress looked fabulous on me.

…for those curious about the dress – I won’t post her here because my wife reads this blog as well and you know what they say about seeing a bride in her dress before the wedding…


One thing my wife keeps pestering me with is my first proposal and honestly I can’t blame her for that. Looking back I totally screwed up and I am actually surprised she said YES to the way I proposed.

This time I had to do it better. I bought a ring (not overly expensive – it’s the emotional value that counts) and a cute jar saying ‘I love you forever’with a blank heart tag and lights in it. On the heard I wrote ‘Marry me again’.

This time I actually set on one knee (and it hurt like hell thanks to my arthrosis) and gave her the jar with the ring in it and the lights on. The moment I gave her the jar I became emotional and my eyes started to water and when she said YES I started to cry tears of joy.

Her conditions

Where I wanted to renew our vows in a year or so, my wife had three conditions to which I agreed.

The first one is that we need to make some savings and she’s right about that. The last few years were financially pretty bad and our savings are mostly gone.
The second one is that we’ll keep it small. Only our closest family and a few selected friends will be invited.
And the last, but probably most important one is that I have to had my transition and officially be registered as female.

Legal Issues?

We’re not sure if renewing vows can be done in The Netherlands. Obviously it can, but can it be a second registered marriage? We’re also wondering what the implications will be when my birth certificate is changed into female – will our current marriage be null and void for the law? Will I get a new SSN (in The Netherlands the SSN is linked with the civil registry)?

These are all kind of things we need to figure out and we’re happy that we still have a couple of years for it. Not to mention that during that time a lot can happen on that front as well. When it comes to transgender people the Dutch law is changing rapidly (for the better I must add).

Once again, thanks for reading!
Love Alexa 💋💕